Man And Machine
by Espionne
Summary: It's not easy being the head of WOOHP - you're in a constant high-stress environment, with little to no room for love... or so you may think. Jerry/GLADIS. (NOTE: special thanks to Cresenta's Lark for some of the ideas here!)


_A/N: As my profile makes clear, my main TS pairing is Sam/Scam, but another one I really like is Jerry/GLADIS. This is probably the first story of its kind to be posted to this site. Ideas for parts of this fic were actually inspired by Cresenta's Lark (you go girl!), and it was her general enthusiasm for it that gave me the motivation to finish the story at last. I just got done with finals and wrote this in a hurry before I went on vacation – I am actually posting this fic using the Wi-Fi connection at the LAX airport. This could either be the best or worst thing I've ever written – let me know what you decide!_

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As dusk fell over downtown Los Angeles, an old man looked out across the expanse of streetlights and traffic and sighed to himself. Right at this moment, there were elderly couples celebrating their anniversaries at posh restaurants along the Santa Monica Pier, young couples in their early twenties partying it up at nightclubs, couples, couples everywhere. There were wealthy businessmen attending social functions with their wives, poor immigrant families struggling to make ends meet, but all were together nonetheless – perhaps it was indeed true that love knew no bounds. But if that were the case, why had _he _been neglected?

Jerry Lewis blinked abruptly and snapped back to his current reality: there was an impossibly high stack of files on his desk waiting to be read. He sighed again and massaged his wrinkled forehead, knowing that he would have to get through all of them before retiring for the night, alone.

Presently he heard a faint whirring sound coming from above his head, but paid it no notice. After a few moments of silence, there was a metallic sound faintly resembling a sigh. Then a robotic voice spoke.

"No wonder they all leave you."

Jerry's brow creased deeply in frustration. The last thing he needed now was for GLADIS to be bothering him and breaking his concentration. "What?" he asked aloud, a little too angrily.

"I said, no wonder they all leave you." A mechanical arm composed of multiple servos appeared in Jerry's line of vision, clasping and unclasping its claw in an effort to get his attention.

"GLADIS, this is not the time for idle talk," Jerry retorted sullenly. "Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Of course I can," GLADIS responded, with a trace of sadness in her tone. "They all saw that, too. That's why they all ended up leaving you. All of them… all the women you've ever been with… haven't you ever considered that your love life might need a little help?"

Jerry's eyes flew open in shock and darted over to make contact with GLADIS. Even though she was only a robot, it certainly seemed as though she could actually read his mind sometimes. "How is that any of your business?" he asked sternly. "Besides, what do _you _know about love? Need I remind you that _I _was the one who programmed you to only be my assistant… oof!"

He was cut off in the middle of his sentence as the mechanical arm whirred towards him and wrapped itself around his shoulders in a pitying hug. "Come now," its owner's voice intoned, "we've gone over this already. I've had plenty of experience with love. I told you about the stainless toaster oven that one time when you fell out with Myrna, didn't I? Then there was also that brief fling with your photocopier, though I wasn't originally planning on letting you know about _that _one…"

A chuckle escaped from Jerry's throat. "A toaster and a copier… and you say _my_ love life needs help?"

He smirked up at GLADIS, causing her to fall silent momentarily. Then the blinking red light in the middle of her camera lens flared as she started up again with a huff.

"Well!" she exclaimed indignantly, "_you _built me to begin with; it was never my choice to make! I'm a robot; my options are limited. If you had created me in the form of a woman I would not be making eyes at photocopiers and toasters, which don't even have eyes themselves!"

"Oh?" Jerry asked amusedly, having temporarily forgotten about his remaining work by this point. "Well then, tell me: if I had made you a woman instead of a robot, who would you have 'made eyes' at?"

GLADIS's servos whirred in nonchalance. "That's easy. I'd fall in love with a man who actually wanted me as a real woman in the first place."

Jerry's lips curved into a knowing grin. "Bitter now, are we?"

"Bitter? Hardly." GLADIS beeped and refocused her main camera lens on him. "How could I be bitter towards the man who trusted me enough to endow me with a _villain's _brain _and _allow me to help him with his most prized job?"

Placing a metallic claw gently on his tense shoulder, she continued. "You see, Jerry, you're really not a total lost cause when it comes to love. You just need some… direction, that's all. And who better to help you with that than someone who was created by your very own hand and understands your very mind? After all, that's why I often tell the girls that I'm the real head of WOOHP."

"GLADIS!"

"I'm just saying… it _would_ be much better for me to have that official position, don't you think? Besides, your workaholic tendencies are what drove all the women around you away in the first place. You'd be happier, healthier, and generally better off in the long run. Then you'd really be able to shape up your love life with the extra free time."

Jerry's shoulders slumped forward. "I'm starting to regret the fact that I gave you The Brain's brain."

"And how is that a bad thing, exactly? It helps me to keep you in check." GLADIS flexed her mechanical arm cheekily. Sighing, Jerry knew that she was right.

"Now, back to what I was saying about your love life… how about it then? Maybe you should ask me out next."

"GLADIS, this is really no time for jokes," Jerry interjected weakly, now feeling the full physical effect of his exhaustion after a long day.

"When did I say I was joking? I'd be a great girlfriend and I can't leave you. Remember, I have no legs."

"GLADIS…"

"I give great massages, too. As a matter of fact, my sensors are registering tension in your upper back…"

The night grew colder as chilly winds from the Pacific Ocean blew over the Californian coast. The elderly couples in the fancy Santa Monica restaurants thanked their servers for making their anniversaries memorable, the young couples at the nightclubs began to head home in a flurry of laughter and mild intoxication, the businessmen and their wives gave hearty toasts to their peers, the immigrant family was already sound asleep in preparation for yet another day of work ahead… and if one looked closely through the window of a W-shaped office building in the middle of downtown Los Angeles, an old man could be seen peacefully dozing off on top of his pile of unread files, while being massaged by his very own robot.


End file.
